The Third Child - Session 1

(Beep. Music fades in)

I never know how to start these . You think I would by now, after so long, but what I’m learning as an oracle are the sorts of things that I shouldn’t be saying to my clients. Because it is hard, yes. It really is, but it’s not anyone’s fault. This is all just an accident. A series of accidents.

You know, I do have to confess something. I think you’ll understand this better than anyone, so I might as well tell you. And it’s not that serious, anyway. Or it could be worse. But I don’t like being alone. It might seem like I do considering how frequently I withdraw into myself or how I can’t muster up the energy for social engagements. But the latter exhaustion is genuine, and it all has to do with the dreams and how hard it can be to sleep when dealing with them. Not sleeping is the easy way out. It’s the most impractical strategy, though, but it’s still a strategy. 

Anyway, to the point. I don’t like being alone. It’s simply an unfortunate consequence of other choices, and I try to work against it. I believe in the power of friendship, companionship, and so much more. I believe in love. Including romantic love, which is what’s relevant one to you, but I believe in all forms of love. I know that my girlfriend was/is/and will hopefully always be an anchor through my nightmares, and the sort of comfort she provides is what keeps me going. 

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

But there were relationships before her. Those just did not last. And it wasn't that they or I did anything wrong. Not all the time, anyway. Sometimes there's no inciting event, and you both realize that this isn't what you thought it was going to be like. Whether that 'it' be your relationship or life is hard to say. Sometimes there’s no clear answer. Sometimes you just drift apart. Sometimes you don't even do that. Sometimes you know something isn't working but aren't able to put a name on what exactly the squeak or ticking is coming from. And it's enough to walk away. Sometimes on good terms and sometimes not so much.

Nothing about relationships is all that easy. As idyllic as that sort of breaking might sound, it still hurt. You still cry, and you won't entirely know why. Just as a little last kick out the door.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

Is that what I think is going to happen with you? I don't know. I can't see the future. And this would be far enough into the future to be completely out of my sight. I just know that right now you're hurt and scared that things aren't going the way you had always expected them to: easily and with minimum consequence. There might be hiccups, sure, but you always thought that those are just the hiccups of everyday living. Love conquers all, remember, like disagreements on how to load the dishwasher.

In reality, love can't conquer failed expectations. Only people can do that. If they choose to. And sometimes it's for the best not to choose to. And it's hard to know which is which.

Now, there's certain temptations out there. We as human beings want things to be easy, but easy isn't always right. ‘Easy’ is the sort of thing whose meaning changes constantly. So while it’s not always a bad thing to want ‘easy,’ it’s simply more complicated than that. 

It’s not bad that your partner wants comforting you in the wake of your father’s death to be easy. Your partner wants to know what to say and what to do to make you hurt less, which involves so many other premises and assumptions, my word. It would involve entire rewrite of human existence. But that detail aside, there are good intentions there. Naive intentions, granted. But naivety has a place in the world, I think. It’s a reminder of what the world should be or what we want it to become one day. A place where we don’t have to be perpetually guarded against our neighbors, where trust isn’t a capital crime. I like being able to trust people, you know? It’s the precursor to love. Or there’s a lot of that in love.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

I’m not going to tell you what to do about your relationship. I can help you parse out the details, sort through what does or doesn’t matter. We’ll see what we’re left with on the other side. Or you will see. I’m not going to tell you what to do, remember? And I don’t think anyone should, really. Simply put, you have to live with the consequences of your choices. It seems only fair that you should be the author of them all. Then again, that’s not so simple either. 

Did you ever wonder where your romantic idealism came from? And that’s not me presenting any sort of judgment or criticism; it is a genuine question that I think we should reflect on. Do you know where it came from? Maybe from a world that didn’t care about the consequences of what it was pushing onto you. A world that also likes easiness. Easy narratives. Easy presentations. And whatever ease comes from never changing, growing, or challenging its past self.  A world that will not go against its own momentum, no matter who or what is in its path.  

Once again, though, let me just say that I understand both how we got here and how you got here. I know why you want what you want. I know the heartache that keeps you entrenched in a reality that may or may not hold up. Which means I know that none of it is easy. But there are times when the only way out is through. Whether it’s a break up, a reconfiguration of what’s there, or a salvage mission. Or grief. The only way out is through. There’s no easier route. 

Well, there’s something that’s vaguely like ‘easier.’ Not going alone is technically easier. Not super easy but easier. But that raises a certain issue, doesn’t it? I know your dad was the person you’d walk through storms with. Or fires. Or whatever the metaphor of the week is. I can’t keep track. That was a terrible joke. I am so sorry that he can’t be here with you. And I mean that more sincerely, genuinely, and intensely, than the English language can convey to you right now, than any language can. I wish you still had him. I wish this sort of connection between the two of you didn’t have to go through me. But once again, that’s… That is potentially rewriting the details of the human existence.

Hopefully you can forgive me. As for your partner, I shouldn’t say too much about that.

He does love you, though. That’s the thing your father wants me to tell you the most. Your father loves you so, so much. And he regrets all of this more than I do.

(Music fades out. Beep)

The Oracle of Dusk is a production of Miscellany Media Studios with music licensed from the Sounds like an Earful music supply. It was written, edited, produced, and performed by MJ Bailey. And if you like the show, tell friends about it or the quasi-friends that are still on your social media feeds because social norms evolved before words did, am I right?