Oracle 2 - Message 1

(Beep. Music fades in)

I don’t know what to tell you. I think it was really presumptuous of you to think you might get the first message considering the tone you took with me in yours. Pretty sure you should have figured out that I don’t take well to people taking tones with me. You claim to have listened to all the past client messages on this feed, but now I have to doubt that. And that’s a pretty big wrench to throw into this machine you want me to look at.

Or not machine, per say. This doesn’t really do anything but make you feel important. But hey, that might make it a machine, after all. Technically. It takes the input that is your insecurity and spits out something else. But you’re still insecure, mind you. It just feels different now. Now, it’s easier to hide or ignore because other people feel the way you do, you think. You’ve pulled other people down just so your situation could resemble theirs, relatively speaking. Great job. Ya made the world worse just for your own sake. And this is coming from someone who does understand where you’re coming from,mind you. Just to make you feel worse about it. 

Like I said to your partner, there is something uniquely horrifying about where we find ourselves. There are, without a doubt, moral implications for what we are experiencing and how we react to it. And it’s kind of bold of you to assume you’re blameless whereas I am the… my favorite phrase for a moment like this involving a certain woman from Babylon is woefully problematic. As an understatement. And I know that. It’s a habit from my days as a theology major. That imagery used to really drill the point home. It still wasn’t okay for me to use. I’m trying to be better. About everything.

Yeah, yeah, I was a theology major in college as well as other things. Indecisive, like I said. At least listen--actually listen to your partner’s messages. They need more understanding from you than you think. Your attitude has implications to your relationship. Because your partner is not inclined to do the so-called heroic thing you are expecting from me. Hey, they might even have a harder time of it than I do, you know? I have already hit multiple breaking points. They haven’t yet. They’re still… untraumatized, let’s go with that. Which is not to say trauma makes you unloveable. It just means the people who love you would also love to go back in time and undo a certain experience. Or two. In my case more than two but moving on.

I was a theology major in college because of the weird intersection between philosophy and theology, which might not actually be weird. Going to say that before my Twitter DMs are flooded with ‘Um, actually, it makes total sense’ because I’m sure in some worlds it does. But most of my experience with religion was practical or hypocritical. Either people were focused on and actually somewhat successful on doing good deeds like helping those worse off than they were: like looking out for small children that were suddenly technically alone in the world. Or they liked to flaunt their master of a virtue of something like humility or modesty. You know what I’m talking about. Make it make sense.  

Okay, it’s not supposed to make sense, I know.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

I’m not naive. You think I am because it’s one way to explain why I did not come to the same conclusion you did about the dreams, this curse, and all that jazz. It’s convenient but not accurate. I’m not naive. I’m not stupid. I’m not lazy or any other loaded insult you want to chuck at me. I am a person. In the same way you are a person. We are two people left to coexist in this world, and we have one pretty critical detail in common besides the shared humanity thing. It’s tempting to turn on each other, but I doubt it’s wise. But my understanding of what’s ‘wise’ is part of our problem.

You know, the other reason I became a theology major was that I hated my Sunday school and catechism experiences. My teachers always thought they were as infallible as the pope, and obviously, it annoyed me. They wouldn’t let anyone challenge or question them, no matter how genuinely innocent the question was. And yeah, they also said some things that had a profoundly negative effect on my mental health, so revenge was in order. A weird sort of not actually revenge, revenge like getting a degree in theology. 

But the one part of that diluted theology I liked was that everyone had different gifts and all gifts were valuable. It just made so much sense, you know? Like I’m a good cook but the mere concept of cleaning the house is something I struggle with. Never mind actually being able to properly do it. My girlfriend has to take the lead on that one, which she does almost effortlessly. To my chagrin and awe. I want to be able to help her more, but she’s somewhat the leader between the two of us. She is the leader, and I’m the crisis manager. Different yes but we fit together.

And then you look at the rest of the world and people need doctors and bakers, nurses and cooks of all other kinds. We need our mail carriers and electricians or technicians of other kinds. No one person can have a depth of knowledge in everything. And no two people bring the exact same specialty to the table. Maybe two have similar skill sets, but there will always be a personal touch to what we do. 

This is my personal touch. It doesn’t feel personal. But it is still personal. It’s something only I would think of doing. I’ve been listening to audio content most of my life. I’ve loved audio books, even in high school. It might have taken longer to get through those books than if I read them manually, but I liked listening. That’s what drew me into the magical world of podcasting. And I know I’m not the only one.

I’m sure you’re going to think I’m full of myself for saying I understand people. I’m sure your dreams have shown me screwing up any number of conversations. But I’m sure a scientist who has spent their life studying sharks would still be hesitant to go swimming with them, and that’s called a limitation. We all have them. The three of us might have the same curse, but we have different limitations. 

And I would say your abrasiveness is a limitation. (Music fades out and new music fades in) Not exactly a weakness. Your partner likes that you have a fighting spirit because it makes them feel comfortable when they lean against you. They need you to be a fighter in the exact way that you are, but fighting against me is not fighting for them. They might come to a different conclusion that I did, and that’s their business. 

Also, frankly, I still think you have a journey you need to go on yourself. I think your conclusion was a bit hasty. But that’s just me. 

(Music fades out. Beep)

The Oracle of Dusk is a production of Miscellany Media Studios with music licensed from the Sounds like an Earful music supply. It was written, edited, produced, and performed by MJ Bailey. And if you like the show, tell friends about it or the quasi-friends that are still on your social media feeds because social norms evolved before words did, am I right?