Oracle 1 - Message 5

(Beep. Music fades in)

I, for one, am happy to have a change in pace, conversation, subject, or perspective. They say variety is the spice of life, but I’ll admit that saying as much is a gross simplification of the world. Because sometimes you just want to stick with the stuff you know, and you should. It’s the stuff that is proven to bring you joy, typically. Find new ways to enjoy the stuff that brings you joy. That’s probably the best way of thinking about it. Read a bunch of different books or listen to a bunch of different podcasts if that’s the thing that brings you joy, but don’t use that joy to justify skydiving if you’re absurdly afraid of heights. Then again, maybe that’s also a gross simplification. Who knows anymore. Eight billion people on this planet, and we still think we can make overarching value statements beyond remember to stay hydrated. Come to think of it, I can actually imagine a couple scenarios where that would go wrong, so can we even say that?

Look, I… I don’t know what to say. I think it’s great that we’ve… or you have moved past the point where you need my direct and clear guidance. And then there was a brief glimmer where you were hoping for validation, but now you understand that I can’t really give you that, either. I can’t steer your ship for you, even if I am the more experienced captain, like you’re quick to assume that I am.

I’ve got to tell you, though. Sometimes experience just doesn’t matter. It’s not the same thing as expertise; rather, it’s one way of getting there. But sometimes, and maybe this is far rarer than we would like it to be, maybe sometimes we do have an innate sort of expertise. Or it’s the product of our going on our merry way in life. Or something we pick up along the way. 

Either way. I wasn’t the ultimate expert here. You were. You just didn’t realize it despite how obvious it might have been from a different angle. This is your route to travel and your ship whose idiosyncrasies you know better than anyone else. You just needed a reminder or two, hopefully before we got too close to the rocks. 

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

But hey, it came in time. I mean, I’m pretty sure it came in time. But I think maybe we need to have some sort of discussion on what ‘in time’ means. Because you need to separate it from the notion of a ‘guaranteed’ outcome. You can’t guarantee anything. To return to a past metaphor, even the best captain can be bested by the environment, by the waves, or by the weather. And sometimes it is just about minimizing damage. Because that’s all you can do. 

Look, I have gotten lucky. Very lucky. I’m lucky that things often work out for the people I can’t directly speak to. Maybe it’s because this happened on such a public stage, and maybe so many eyes on them offered lights that illuminated pathways otherwise impossible to see. But I am vaguely aware that my luck on that front could change one day, any day. Except it isn’t my luck, is it?

It’s a matter of choice. Other people’s choices. You can never be too sure with those things. Because they aren’t your things.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

The first recordings I ever made for this feed were about connectedness. Human connectedness. It’s something that I thought was just so… beautiful. In the abstract way that so often gets overused, but you know what I mean. It’s worth celebrating as the root of possibility. That’s where love comes from and friendship and collaboration. And everything. It’s also something we can ground ourselves to when everything else is spinning. But maybe that’s a bit naive, right?

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

I have thought about the ability to destroy that comes with that connectedness. I saw it for what it was. I saw the people who hurt me for what they were. Eventually. You heard as much. But it’s a different… Well, it’s different. Seeing how something has harmed you and seeing how it can hurt someone else: it’s a subtle perspective shift that can change the entire picture, even if we aren’t aware of it. 

And we probably are. Selfishness comes to mind. How many times do we see celebrities or politicians suddenly speak up about an issue when and only when it hits close to home. “X issue didn’t matter until it happened to me, but now that it has, I care.” That sort of thing. Well, not to brag or to hold myself up onto an undeserved and ill-fitting pedestal, but for me, the reverse has always been true. 

I don’t have the habit of taking care of myself or caring for or about myself. So things that affect me aren’t all that relevant to me. I don’t care until they go after someone else. Usually someone I do care about.

And I do care about you. Genuinely.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

You’re a good person, and honestly, it’s high time I invested emotionally in good people. There’s a great return on investment there. And I’m talking about reinvesting in wells that are just notorious for running dry in me as I pour myself out for anyone there, merit aside. Maybe there’s a reason for it. Maybe I am supposed to give certain people second or third chances, which is no small ask of a person. 

Universe. You hear that? You hear that universe or whatever deity did this. We have a bone or two to pick with one another. You show me my inadequacies, and I’ll show you yours. 

That’s probably dumb to say. Moving on.

Trying to shore up my defenses, trying to prop myself up, motivate myself, comfort myself… All of these things are things I have to do. That’s self-care when you don’t have a great sense of work-life balance usually because work is so delicately intertwined with who you are and your life. 

I grew up essentially shadowing a priest who really struggled with that work-life thing because his vocation was his life and his parishioners were the closest thing he had to family. After everyone else died. He tried to teach me this. So I should know better. I should be able to advise you better. But I can’t. I didn’t learn that. I didn’t pay attention. Insead, I learned more about theology than some other Catholics did, and it shows. But they’re mostly able to get by. How useful is that right now? Compared to what could have been?

You hit play thinking I was going to offer you some last minute advice, right? Because five sessions, that’s what you get with me. Unless you’re special.  But I can’t really offer you that. I can’t advise you. Or guide you. Or validate you. Or lift you up. I am incredibly limited in what I can offer. Like a hand to hold. A shoulder to lean on. A companion to walk with. A comfort to turn to. A voice for you. That I can give you. If I can borrow some hope that this will be enough.

(Music fades out. Beep)

The Oracle of Dusk is a production of Miscellany Media Studios with music licensed from the Sounds like an Earful music supply. It was written, edited, produced, and performed by MJ Bailey. And if you like the show, tell friends about it or the quasi-friends that are still on your social media feeds because social norms evolved before words did, am I right?