Mentor - Tape 3

(Beep. Music fades in.)

I have been doing research on demonology. Add that to the list of my (quote) “unapproved interests.” I mean, you’re probably still keeping that list, right? It gives you a sense of self-indulgent gratification that just cannot compare with any drug. So yeah, you definitely still have it. So why don’t you update it? Demonology.

Don’t ask me why I’m interested in it because I’m not going to tell you. I don’t have to tell you anything. So I won’t. 

But you know what I did learn recently, and given the subject matter, put that in quotes if need be. It doesn’t matter. They say that part of the process of a demon has to go through when possessing someone is sleep deprivation. Which seems oddly specific, but the underlying logic is surprisingly sound. They do need to weaken your defenses. Often times, a demon can be recognized for what it is. Their efforts to control you aren’t so hard to discern if you are paying attention, so they can’t let you pay attention.

You aren’t clever enough for that, though. Really. You might have practice, but there are things--many things--that are above you. You are incapable of true manipulation because of your self-centeredness. You don’t know what other people want or need. 

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

And in some ways, you don’t know what you yourself actually need. You are so distracted by your need for validation and exaltation that you have forgotten about other things. And that’s what so pathetic about you. You want to be this evil control freak. But honestly you just get lucky sometimes.

Like with me. I was so tired when I met you. I am always so tired. And from that, it was so much easier to control me. To influence me. To attack me. To trap me. To break me. 

And once upon a time, I would have let you. But I’m not that person anymore. 

(Music fades out. Beep. Music fades in)

Oh yeah, you are in trouble, by the way. A little birdie told the dean about something you did, and she is not happy.

Do you think it was me? You do, right? And it’s because of these tapes. Because I already spoke up, so that means that I’m a destructive and ungrateful force in your life. And I must be the only one, right? No one else could ever do this to you. I am the only one. 

That’s bull--(Beep.)

(Music fades in)

I still remember her name. Don’t play dumb. You know who I’m talking about. The name of the one who came before me: the one that came before you tried to punish me for my integrity. The one who walked this same path but in her own way. She wouldn’t go along with your destructive games. And neither would I. That was my sin against you. Not victimizing another person just because it was convenient for you.

But that wasn’t how you presented it. At first, you did seem genuinely concerned. You weren’t so much good at putting on that front. In hindsight, I’ve come to realize that your face just naturally sets that way. I don’t know. Regardless, it is convenient for you, that you can put on a facade so easily and that a duplicitous nature fits you like a second skin.

You were worried about me, you said. You were concerned about my mental wellbeing, because such a trial could obviously crush mel. The lack of sleep. The stress. There was a lot to unpack. I know. But beyond the superficial litany you offered, there wasn’t anything else beneath that. There was nothing of substance, and that wasn’t so surprising. You were always so superficial. There was nothing worth finding beneath your surface: only the delicate artistry of a lie. Some people might be fooled, but for those of us who know the truth, that is all you will ever be. 

(Music fades out. Beep. New music fades in)

You know, you should probably make a list of your potential accusers. I’m just saying. It’s not going to help you figure out who it was, but maybe this will be a moment of clarity for you.

It won’t be. But hey, there was a chance. If it were any other person.

(Music fades out. Beep. New music fades in)

As if you were offering up some sort of confession, the word “control” came up in conversation. If I could control this power, power being your word, then I would be better off for it. As I remember, you never said anything about making the nightmares stop entirely. It was all about helping me control them better and that would ultimately help me.Or that would ultimately help.

And while that logic is sound on some levels, important pieces of it were missing. There were logical leaps being made that couldn’t have been justified if I was thinking any more about it. But I was too tired. I couldn’t handle thinking about it. I just wanted the nightmares to stop.

And lucky for me, you had all the answers, right? We, as you kept saying it, needed to get me to be able to focus on a particular person,just one person at a time, a targeted person to see if I could lock the dreams on them.  A “checking in,” you called it. I needed to learn how to check in on certain people, and if I could do that, then I was in control. You left it at control. You never mentioned anything about this ending. 

That hope of mine was teased out of me and left floating in the air where I could see it. But you were never going to reach for it, were you? That wasn’t part of your plan at all. 

Of course, it wouldn’t be. How would that benefit you? 

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

This was about you. It had always been. I was just there to serve you. And so was she. She just wasn’t ready to follow through on it. Not like I was.

She was just a quicker study, I guess.

(Music fades out. Beep. Music fades in)

I will give you one hint, though. These tapes had nothing to do with what is about to happen to you. You would think that they would. I mean, there’s something poetic about that. But poetic justice always has a limited scope. That’s what makes it work: you can only consider the transgressions between two parties or people. And your reach was so much more than that.

You can’t even recount all the people you’ve wronged. This isn’t poetry. But a literary epic in many regards.

(Music fades out. Beep.)

The Oracle of Dusk is a Miscellany Media Studios Production. It is written, produced, performed, and edited by MJ Bailey with music licensed from the Sounds like an Earful Music Supply. If you like the show, please consider leaving a review or telling your friends about it. And check out Aishi Online, the story of the voice you know all too well.