Client GS7.AZ1 - Session 3

(Beep. Music fades in)

Waking up from a dream isn’t easy. Or I imagine that waking up from a normal dream, the sorts of dreams that you likely have, is still not easy. I’m not as familiar with that as I would want to be. So take my opinion with a grain of salt.

But regardless, there are some parallels that can be drawn, right? In both instances--the normal and the maybe mystical--there is a momentum that seizes the mind when you’re in a dream and carries you away. It’s a train in its own right, you could say. Though it may not exactly exist, it’s the perception of movement that distracts the mind. And when that mind is suddenly called to attention by reality. Let’s say because you’ve woken up from this dream, then it’s fair to say that this is a very sudden and very drastic shift in movement. A sudden shift that can be hard to adjust to. It’s hard to catch yourself. 

You have to stop before you can move forward. And even when you look at it that way, that rather simple way, it can be hard, and yet that framework is skipping a step or two because it’s not actually just stop and start. It’s stop, figure out where you are and where you need to go, and then you can begin.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

During all of this, I would not go to any store. Contained spaces, I guess, can make it easier to catch something, something truly (inhale) horrifying. And that logic is sound even if the science is not. But all the same, staying locked up in a very small apartment was not an easy thing to do. Necessary yes but not easy. Especially in a city apartment. 

The lockdown in our area wasn’t as strict as it maybe should have been, and my girlfriend could not really argue about this because she went out for the necessities. So I would go out for a walk or two every day, staying away from everyone, of course, and electing for hours our neighbors did not seem to particularly like. Typically that was the early morning before I had to log into my workspace, though my girlfriend would hit the button if I was not back in time.

And maybe that wasn’t great. Not even as an employee but just as a partner. Maybe that wasn’t an okay thing for me to ask of her. My girlfriend was worried about me being lost or hurt or something and if so, this small gesture could delay my getting help. And yes, dramatic but these are dramatic times, are they not?

Or they were. Things are not great now. But we are all embracing the fact that they are not as bad. And this hug may be overly enthusiastic, yes, and there may be consequences… Oh who am I kidding, there are going to be consequences. There are consequences to everything, right?

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

You know, I’m starting to think… Something. And well, that wasn’t a very good introduction and this is not a very good thought. But at some point, we have to visualize certain sorts of things not as choices between two versions of the present or two different versions of now but between two sets of consequences. Or how did you put it? Short term gains or reliefs might only be the escort of more painful trials down the line. 

And I do agree: that seems to ring especially true now. When everyone pretends everything is fine or fine enough. And we go about doing the same actions that increase the chance of transmissions just because for a while the alternative we were living just seemed so unbearable. And yet the specter of destruction looms overhead. And we seem to be calling it closer. And yet, this is what we’ve all chosen. In the face of other issues, this is where we are. 

I don’t doubt that this perspective focusing on consequences will be underutilized and/or improperly utilized, as all things have been. But that’s the perspective my boss went with when it was decided that our office would stay entirely remote for two more months. And personally, that seems like a long time. But then again, your boss went with three more months. Almost as if this were a competition neither of us knew about.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

But of course it isn’t. Instead, these decisions had more to do with internal calendars than anything else. And that’s how those calendars have lined up. ANd then there are the related questions. Consequences in their own right. But… Well, this is the part of the conversation in which your heart is seized with dread. Because you weren’t ready to think about it. 

You’re scared. Of what exactly? Well largely, you’re scared to make the wrong decision. Or that’s how you phrase it. You’re afraid that this moment is the crossroads between the right and safe choice or a mistake. And it’s not clear which one is which. 

But you know what you want it to be. Or you did. And when you go get your food at the Asian fusion place, you really think you know. But then you come at home at night. And you lie in bed. You’re mind racing through all the consequences that could arise from this choice with special emphasis on the negative ones: on the fear and dread. After all, you’ve had a taste of it now, right? This social distancing is a de facto distancing from your co-workers. And it has been unexpectedly hard. 

And you made that list, right, like I told you to. You made that list of things that could be lost on either side. It’s not as long as you thought it would be. But here’s the thing. Regardless of what I’ve been saying and regardless of what you think, it doesn’t matter. Not right now. Because really, you cannot really know what will come of this choice. You cannot truly know. 

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

Do you remember… Do you remember studying stoic philosophy one… One quarter, right. (sigh) (softly) I really hate this system, geez. Why? (normal volume) But one quarter, you took a philosophy class that was, like, the basics of stoic philosophy. Largely because you had to. You needed to check of a certain box on your graduation requirements. And that class worked for that box, so there was that. But do you remember what you learned in that class?

Maybe not. Not because you did not try to remember or you didn’t care but because the word stoic has a very different meaning now. Because we use it in very different ways and contexts. But stoic philosophy, at its core in the classical sense, would be quick to point out that you--indeed all of us--are constantly entering into a future filled with questions and processes that we cannot fully comprehend at a distance or even vicariously. But what we can get is the anxiety of it all. The fear and the dread. That’s a very visceral and familiar touch. That we otherwise avoid. And that’s what we can understand.

You can’t predict the future, I’ve had to repeatedly say. You only know what you don’t want it to be. And that’s the hard part.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

Oh and hey remember that alumni network, group, message board thing. I think the renewal fee was just charged to your credit card. So maybe look at that statement just as a broad, broad piece of advice. Because I, as your oracle, should not be the one telling you about charges on your credit card but more specifically. You should check out that message board more in depth than you have. Because that… faculty member is actually there amongst the crowds. And yes, most professors aren’t. It’s not typically their space. But, fun fact” that class was not taught by a typical professor. Just an alumni who went into the profession and was willing to do the department a favor while on a sabbatical. 

And yes, that’s how little the university cared about that class. They had someone else teach it who has never taught a class on stoic philosophy since then. But sometimes, corners cut can actually work out.

(Music fades out. Beep)

The Oracle of Dusk is a production of Miscellany Media Studios with music licensed from the Sounds like an Earful music supply. It was written, edited, produced, and performed by MJ Bailey. And if you like the show, tell friends about it or the quasi-friends that are still on your social media feeds because social norms evolved before words did, am I right?